So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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