Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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