fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
