Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
These tits shall not be calmed
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
