yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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