Well apparently he's into motor boating.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just pee around me
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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