Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
