YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Yo dont text me then not text me
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
