I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
