Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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