pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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