We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
