It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
