I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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