Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
