I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
