A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
