its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Randomize
