I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
