You really coming over, don't trick.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
