I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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