Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
