we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Randomize
