I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
