im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
