I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
