I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
