Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The feeling are messing with the penis
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
