The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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