next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
