OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
