How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
