sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
