chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Randomize
