I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
