Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
