Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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