Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
