I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
