Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize