I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize