after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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