writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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