why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
