Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
