She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
