it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
