I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize