Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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