he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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