Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize