My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
