thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
