a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
