i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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