this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
