At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
