I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
