I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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