i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
