I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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