Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He has the fingertips of a God
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
