I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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