tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize