I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
