this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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