dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
