I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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