you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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