But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
