I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize