some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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