I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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